yeah! calvin :)

apple haters unite

2007-02-25T10:36:00.002Z

you've seen the apple iproduct, now see the rebuttal from gizmodo

once again, please don't flame me, apple fans.

announcing the apple iproduct

2007-02-19T07:04:00.000Z

hey, i am not criticizing apple products. i am just making fun of apple fans :P
so don't flame me, please :)

courtesy of the adventures of a boy and his computer

net neutrality explained

2007-02-11T06:41:00.000Z

what does net neutrality stand for? this video explains:

link

how not to get a job in dubai

2007-02-03T15:11:00.000Z

so much development so many job dubai is the place of opportunity itself. however if you are a born idiot and have no respect for other people then i guess you have no chance of getting a job no matter what. check out the email conversation below and to think this guy actually applied for a job at the company north 55. i don't think this man will ever get a job in dubai as the whole agency network will know about him by now, total loser.

——————————————–

from: amir saffar

sent: 02 december 2006 01:22

to: amir saffar

subject: multimediator/web designer position

amir saffar

to whom it may concern:

i am a web developer/designer with experience in designing corporate, commercial, retail, and business web systems. with more than 6 years experience designing internet/multimedia systems professionally in a production environment, i could be a valuable asset to your web design and multimedia team.

managing projects, task delegation, and client relations have been necessary skills at my previous employment positions. these have always been tasks that i excel at and enjoy.

my experience in web site consultation critiquing usability, functionality, aesthetics, and search engine placement can help clients with their existing web content by introducing them to innovative and cost-effective solutions.

my enthusiasm, creativity, communication skills and ability to work without supervision are my strong points. i have extensive design experience using flash, dreamweaver, html, css, vb, c#, sql, photoshop, illustrator, quarkxpress, 3dsmax, and other programs. i would be able to create a dynamic company presence for you on the internet.

i am currently on vacation for two months in the region. since i have a canadian passport, traveling to the uae would not be an issue for me at all. i also have to mention that since i have lived in a multicultural country and because of my background, i have been trained to work with people who have different cultures and backgrounds. therefore i hope my experience in this field could be a valuable asset to your company.

i would welcome an opportunity to discuss my qualifications and experience in greater detail. i am available for an interview at your convenience.

——————————————–

mike platts wrote:

hi amir

thanks for sending us your cv - we’d certainly be interested in speaking with you. just to clarify, are you planning to visit dubai during your vacation? if not, perhaps we can arrange to speak over the phone.

regards,

mike platts

creative partner, north55 dubai

——————————————–

from: amir saffar

sent: 11 december 2006 00:18

to: mike platts

subject: re: hi again

hi again,

i guess people work for free in dubai. am i correct!??

take care

amir

——————————————–

mike platts wrote:

sorry, you’ve completely lost me there…how did i imply that people ‘work for free’ in dubai?

mike.

——————————————–

from: amir saffar

to: mike platts

sent: friday, december 15, 2006 9:11 pm

subject: re: hi again

it’s very simple mike. you are interested in my profile and i wanted to know how much you were able to pay. no response means: you either can’t pay that much,

or you only hire indians and pakistanis who don’t ask for a good salary.

but dude, i am neither indian or paki and i have never worked for less than

2000 usd/month. you got it now!?

amir

——————————————–

mike platts wrote:

jesus, that’s some chip you’ve got on your shoulder there pal. before the email i received on 11th december, i’d only gotten one from you - the first, which included your cv. as far as i can see, it didn’t mention money. if you sent another after that, then sorry, but i didn’t get it, which is why i didn’t reply.

anyway, it’s all worked out well. i wouldn’t want a bigotted arsehole like you working with us, and i’m sure that the indians and pakis who work at north55 - most of whom earn more than us$2,000 a month, some by a factor of three - are glad that they won’t have to put up with your small-minded bullshit either. the brits, south africans and canadians will probably be pretty cock-a-hoop too.

best of luck finding a job in dubai - i’m sure you’ll get exactly the kind of position you deserve.

cheers,

mike

——————————————–

from: amir saffar

to: mike platts

sent: saturday, december 16, 2006 10:39 pm

subject: got it?

i’m sending this e-mail twice. i wanna make sure you get it this time!!

2000 usd/month is a joke bro. i got paid that much when i graduated from college/without any exp.

i’m pretty sure most of you guys work at coffee shops when you finish your work at the studio.

what doesn’t make sense to me is, why would a guy from n america or europe want to work for that amount. perhaps you’ve had a low paid job back home and you are satisfied with 2000 usd! weren’t you a cleaner/or a security guard…mike!?

——————————————–

from: mike platts

to: amir saffar

sent: sunday, december 17, 2006 1:41 am

subject: fw: got it?

you really are an irritating little troll aren’t you? you can barely write english, and you seem to have a problem reading it too. so i’ll break it down for you: not. wanted. here.

now fuck off.

all the best,

mike.

ps - i’ve taking the liberty of copying some of my colleagues in the industry here, just in case they too should have the misfortune of hearing from you. i’m sure they’d be kind enough to forward it on to their pals, too, and with any luck you’ll be back fucking moose in time for christmas. (oh, and by the way, if you’re such hot shit, why the reluctance to include a link to any of your work in your cv? so you’ve got six years’ experience - big deal. you don’t seem to have been able to hold down a job for too long - or were they short-term cleaner/security guard contracts?)

———————————————–

from: amir saffar

to: mike platts

sent: sunday, december 17, 2006 11:06 am

subject: re:

by the way,

mike you were either a

1. security guard

2. cleaner

3. on welfare

4. had a criminal background, so you couldn’t get a job back home

5. a bad designer who never worked for a real company. one of those guys who is a pain in the ass in the production team.

who knows, maybe one day you’ll be working for people like me if you ever decide to return to europe or n america. * i guess would lose the job within 3 months.

good luck mike.

———————————————————-

[mike] wrote:

congratulations - you’re famous:

http://www.chrisdiclerico.com/2006/12/17/how-not-to-get-a-job/

http://www.flipblogspot.com/2006/12/17/amir-saffar-and-north55

much love,

mike.

———————————————-

from amir saffar:

don’t you really have anything else to do, other than forwording useless e-mails to other people and writting a blog. dude, if you work at a pro company, you don’t even have time to drink coffee. you are not a pro!! that’s it. and your e-mails are going to the garbage bin from now.

take care

kmart

2007-01-27T16:58:00.000Z

12 march 2005

jon walker
store manager
kmart store 4855
summit ridge, reno, nv, 89503

mrs. fenton
35 rasmussen street
moores park, reno, nv, 89503

dear mrs. fenton,

during the preceding 6 months our security staff has been monitoring your husbands activities while in our store. the list below details his offences, all of which have been verified by our surveillance cameras and we have retained copies on tape.
we have repeatedly given your husband verbal warnings while he is in this store and he has subsequently ignored them. he replied to these warning with rudeness and the response "while the wife shops here i will come here too". we are therefore forced to ban you, your husband and your family from this store.

the following list details your husbands activates in this store over the past six months.
june 15: took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they weren't looking.
july 2: set all the alarm clocks in House wares to go off at 5-minute intervals.
july 7: made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the rest rooms.
july 19: walked up to an employee and told her in an official tone, 'code 3' in house wares and watched what
happened.
august 4: went to the service desk and asked to put a bag of m&m's on lay-buy.
september 14: moved a 'caution - wet floor' sign to a carpeted area.
september 15: set up a tent in the camping department and told other shoppers he'd invite the in if they'll bring pillows.
september 23: if any staff offers him assistance he begins to cry and asks, "why can't you people just leave me alone?"
october 4: looked right into the security camera; used it a mirror, and picked his nose.
november 10: while in the gun department, asked the clerk if he knows where the antidepressants are.
december 3: darted around the store suspiciously loudly humming the "mission impossible" theme.
december 6: in the auto department, practiced his "madonna look" using different size funnels.
december 18: hide in a clothing rack and when people browse through, yelled "pick me!" "pick me!"
december 21: when an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumes the fetal position and screams "no!
no! it's those voices again!"
december 23: went in the fitting room, shut the door and waited a while; then yelled, very loudly, "there is no toilet paper in here!

john f. walker
store manager

word of the year 06

2007-01-21T07:51:00.000Z

the american dialect society has chosen the word of the year for 2006 as well as winner of the other categories. the society is dedicated to the study of the english language in north america, and includes academics, writers, and others. so, here’s the honour roll:

2006 word of the year & new category – pluto-related words: plutoed
to pluto is to demote or devalue someone or something, as happened to the former planet pluto when the general assembly of the international astronomical union decided pluto no longer met its definition of a planet.

most useful: climate canary
an organism or species whose poor health or declining numbers hint at a larger environmental catastrophe on the horizon.

most creative: lactard
a person who is lactose-intolerant.

most unnecessary: surikat
the supposed nickname of the baby girl of tom cruise and katie holmes.

most outrageous: cambodian accessory
angelina jolie’s adopted child who is cambodian.

most euphemistic: waterboarding
an interrogation technique in which the subject is immobilized and doused with water to simulate drowning; reported to be used by u.s. interrogators against terrorism detainees.

most likely to succeed: youtube
as a verb, to use the youtube web site or to have a video of one’s self to be posted on the site.

least likely to succeed: grup
a gen-xer who does not act his or her age.

new york heroes

2007-01-13T16:35:00.000Z

heroes do exist. and even ordinary citizens can become heroes in the most threatening situations. last week, six of them were uncovered in new york as the city's police commissioner hailed it as "the week of heroes in new york".

on jan 3, Wesley Autrey rescued a teenager who had fallen off the platform onto the subway tracks in front of an approaching train by pinning him down on the drainage trough of the tracks, with just about 2 inches to spare as the cars passed over them.

a day later, three police officers, Sgt. Bruno Valenti, Brian Higgins and Leslie Grant, delivered a pregnant woman's child on a subway platform in brooklyn when they received a 911 call reporting a woman about to go into labour.

another miracle occurred on jan 5 as Julio Gonzalez and Pedro Nevarez made a crucial catch to break the fall of a toddler who tumbled off a fire escape four storeys above. the passer-bys knew it was up to them as they positioned themselves below. fortunately, Nevarez cushioned the boy's fall with his chest and he bounced into Gonzalez's arms.

read the stories below:
- rescuer pins fallen teenager as subway passes over them
- officers deliver child on subway platform
- passers-by catch tumbling toddler

new internet addictions

2007-01-07T08:40:00.000Z

from the sydney morning herald:

the internet has given birth to a quirky range of modern addictions and maladies, the british weekly new scientist says in its christmas issue published this saturday.

they include these:

- ego-surfing: when you frequently check your name and reputation on the internet.

- blog streaking: "revealing secrets or personal information online which for everybody's sake would be best kept private."

- crackberry: "the curse of the modern executive: not being able to stop checking your blackberry, even at your grandmother's funeral." (a blackberry is a popular handheld device that can be used for phoning, emailing and web-browsing).

- google-stalking: defined as "snooping online on old friends, colleagues or first dates."

- cyberchondria: "a headache and a particular rash at the same time? extensive online research tells you it must be cancer."

- photolurking: flicking through a photo album of someone you've never met.

- wikipediholism: excess devotion to contributing to the online collaborative encyclopaedia, wikipedia. (wikipedia even has a page where you can test whether you're an addict: click here).

- cheesepodding: downloading of a song "so cheesy that you could cover it in plastic wrap and sell it at the deli counter." cheesepodders are especially vulnerable to soft-rock favourites from the 1970s.

happy new year 07

2007-01-01T05:58:00.000Z

a postcard from calvin wishing all a great new year ahead :)

merry xmas 06

2006-12-25T04:58:00.000Z

our deepest fear

2006-12-20T15:40:00.000Z

our deepest fear
by marianne williamson from a return to love: reflections on the principles of a course in miracles

our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. it is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. we ask ourselves, who am i to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? actually, who are you not to be? you are a child of god. your playing small does not serve the world. there is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. we are all meant to shine, as children do. we were born to make manifest the glory of god that is within us. it's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. and as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. as we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.

perfect day

2006-12-16T14:35:00.000Z

perfect day for a woman:
08:15 wake up to hugs and kisses.
08:30 weigh 5 lb. lighter than yesterday.
08:45 breakfast in bed, fresh squeezed orange juice and croissants.
09:15 soothing hot bath with fragrant lilac bath oil.
10:00 light workout at club with handsome, funny personal trainer.
10:30 facial, manicure, shampoo, and comb out.
12:00 lunch with best friend at an outdoor cafe.
12:45 notice ex-boyfriend's wife, she has gained 30 lbs.
13:00 shopping with friends.
15:00 nap.
16:00 a dozen roses delivered by florist. card is from a secret admirer.
16:15 light workout at club followed by a gentle massage.
17:30 pick outfit for dinner. primp before mirror.
19:30 candlelight dinner for two, followed by dancing.
22:00 hot shower. alone.
22:30 make love.
23:00 pillow talk, light touching and cuddling.
23:15 fall asleep in his big, strong arms.

perfect day for a man:
06:00 alarm.
06:15 blowjob.
06:30 massive dump while reading the sports section.
07:00 breakfast. filet mignon, eggs, toast and coffee.
07:30 limo arrives.
07:45 bloody mary en route to airport.
08:15 private jet to augusta, georgia.
09:30 limo to augusta national golf club.
09:45 play front nine at augusta, finish 2 under par.
11:45 lunch. 2 dozen oysters on the half shell. 3 heinekens.
12:15 blowjob.
12:30 play back nine at augusta, finish 4 under par.
14:15 limo back to airport. drink 2 bombay martinis.
14:30 private jet to nassau, bahamas. nap.
15:15 late afternoon fishing excursion with topless female crew.
16:30 catch world record light tackle marlin -1249 lbs.
17:00 jet back home. en route, get massage from naked supermodel.
19:00 dinner. lobster appetizers, 1963 dom perignon, 20 oz. new york strip steak.
21:00 relax after dinner with 1789 augler cognac and cohiba cuban cigar.
22:00 have sex with two 18 year old nymphomaniacs.
23:00 massage and jacuzzi.
23:45 go to bed.
23:50 let loose a 12 second, 4 octave fart. watch the dog leave the room.
23:55 laugh yourself to sleep.

gifts for men

2006-12-09T11:33:00.000Z

the holiday season is around the corner, and buying gifts for men should not be complicated. follow these rules when in doubt:

rule #1: buy him a cordless drill. never mind if he already has one. a man can never have too many cordless drills.

rule #2: if you cannot afford a cordless drill, buy him anything that needs to be plugged into a socket.

rule #3: men enjoy danger. that's why they never cook - they barbecue. get him a monster barbecue set with a gas tank. oh, the thrill, the challenge - to make a burger.

rule #4: by the same reasoning as rule #3, never buy a real man a step ladder. it must be an extension ladder.

rule #5: do not buy men socks, ties or bathrobes.

rule #6: do not buy a man fancy liqueurs. they will sit in a cupboard for 23 years. real men drink whiskey or beer.

rule #7: tickets to a sports game or an action movie are smart gifts. but he will not appreciate tickets to a retrospective of 19th century quilts.

the barometer problem

2006-12-02T11:24:00.000Z

ingenuity at its very best:
(note that this is an urban legend)

the following concerns a question in a physics degree exam at the university of copenhagen:

"describe how to determine the height of a skyscraper with a barometer."

one student replied:

"you tie a long piece of string to the neck of the barometer, then lower the barometer from the roof of the skyscraper to the ground. the length of the string plus the length of the barometer will equal the height of the building."

this highly original answer so incensed the examiner that the student was failed immediately. the student appealed on the grounds that his answer was indisputably correct, and the university appointed an independent arbiter to decide the case.

the arbiter judged that the answer was indeed correct, but did not display any noticeable knowledge of physics. to resolve the problem it was decided to call the student in and allow him six minutes in which to provide a verbal answer that showed at least a minimal familiarity with the basic principles of physics.

for five minutes the student sat in silence, forehead creased in thought. the arbiter reminded him that time was running out, to which the student replied that he had several extremely relevant answers, but couldn't make up his mind which to use. on being advised to hurry up the student replied as follows:

"firstly, you could take the barometer up to the roof of the skyscraper, drop it over the edge, and measure the time it takes to reach the ground. the height of the building can then be worked out from the formula h = 0.5g x t squared. but bad luck on the barometer."

"or if the sun is shining you could measure the height of the barometer, then set it on end and measure the length of its shadow. then you measure the length of the skyscraper's shadow, and thereafter it is a simple matter of proportional arithmetic to work out the height of the skyscraper."

"but if you wanted to be highly scientific about it, you could tie a short piece of string to the barometer and swing it like a pendulum, first at ground level and then on the roof of the skyscraper. the height is worked out by the difference in the gravitational restoring force t = 2 pi sqr root (l /g)."

"or if the skyscraper has an outside emergency staircase, it would be easier to walk up it and mark off the height of the skyscraper in barometer lengths, then add them up."

"if you merely wanted to be boring and orthodox about it, of course, you could use the barometer to measure the air pressure on the roof of the skyscraper and on the ground, and convert the difference in millibars into feet to give the height of the building."

"but since we are constantly being exhorted to exercise independence of mind and apply scientific methods, undoubtedly the best way would be to knock on the janitor's door and say to him 'if you would like a nice new barometer, i will give you this one if you tell me the height of this skyscraper'."

the student was niels bohr, the only dane to win the nobel prize for physics.

of words and meanings

2006-11-25T11:01:00.000Z

from the washington post's alternate word-meaning contest:

abdicate: to give up hope of having a flat stomach.
lymph: to walk with a lisp.
esplanade: to attempt an explanation while drunk.
coffee: a person who's coughed on.
rectitude: the dignified demeanor assumed by a proctologist

new words and definitions
this contest makes the internet rounds as "washington post's mensa invitational", yet it is fictional. the objective is to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition.

cashtration (n.): the act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period.
ignoranus: a person who's both stupid and an asshole.
intaxication: euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.
reintarnation: coming back to life as a hillbilly.
bozone (n.): the substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. the bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.
foreploy: any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid.
giraffiti: vandalism spray-painted very, very high.
sarchasm: the gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.
inoculatte: to take coffee intravenously when you are running late.
hipatitis: terminal coolness.
osteopornosis: a degenerate disease. (this one got extra credit.)
karmageddon: it's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? and then, like, the earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer.
decafalon (n.): the grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.
glibido: all talk and no action.
dopeler effect: the tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.
arachnoleptic fit (n.): the frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web.
beelzebug (n.): satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.
caterpallor (n.): the color you turn after finding half a worm in the fruit you're eating.

making up data

2006-11-18T13:18:00.000Z

if you can't find supporting evidence, make it up.

15 ways to become wealthy

2006-11-11T05:10:00.000Z

15 ways to become wealthy from neo atheism
please take it with a pinch of salt.

in light of wealth enviers and the tired old cliché of “the rich get richer while the poor get poorer”; i have taken it upon myself to construct a list of how easy it is to become wealthy. it is common sense principles, nothing more. there’s no secret or devious secrets behind it. it’s a matter of fiscal responsibility tied together with determination.

don’t smoke.
don’t drink (exception: important social occasions)
don’t buy what you don’t need.
bargain buy.
don’t have children.
get only into truly meaningful romantic relationships. going into a relationship for the sake of having one, eats away at your wallet. make sure your partner is fair and not sexist, which means they pay for their fair share.
get a roommate to save housing costs.
eat healthy and exercise: saves on medical expenses.
be a defensive driver: saves money on car insurance.
invest with the money you save up.
time management is very important; skip everything that is a waste of time. rather than spending hours listening to music, watching senseless television or hanging out just to hang out is time that could otherwise be invested into college courses.
be an entrepreneur and offer a product or service that consumers will want. it’s not hard, it simply requires a bit of brain power on your part.
never borrow except in emergencies. have only one credit card and scarcely use it. always whenever possible pay cash.
don’t senselessly donate to charity or any other “feel good” causes. charity foundations tend to have no strings attached to the money, which only creates dependency.
never ever present yourself as a “rebel”, neither in looks or language. employers want serious, dedicated and professional members of society to work for them. your communication and writing skills are essential to landing a well paying job. if these skills are lacking, you have no one to blame but yourself.

which have you achieve?

a moment of zen

2006-11-05T05:16:00.000Z

some interesting stuff i found in the newspaper:

despite the cost of living, have you noticed how popular it remains?
a conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
to steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.
before you criticise someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. that way, when you criticise them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.
good judgment comes from bad experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.
a clean desk is a sign of a cluttered desk drawer.
confession is good for the soul, but bad for your career.
money isn't everything, but it sure keeps the children in touch.

life's all about

2006-10-29T16:15:00.000Z

life's all about...

4 frames but they do mean a whole lot more :)

hi world

2006-10-07T13:54:00.000Z

hi world.
test..1 2 3. is this thing working?
hey, it actually works! great :D

now for my welcome message:
hey people, i have entered the digital age.
i am truly intrigued by the workings of the internet.
so, give me some time to look around and explore! :)
see you around.